Don't Piss Off Your Russian Nanny!
by LunaNyx14
Summary: Libya is on the brink of war, and Canada has to go and settle things, calling in Russia to watch his provinces and territories. Except, they aren't as meek as Matthew is, and now Ivan has his hands fullwith twelve rambunctious, arguing teens and a child. This can't be good. Eventual RusCan, Human names used. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Matthew groaned, pulling his glasses off and rubbing the bridge of his nose. He absolutely hated reading these documents. It made his head hurt. Of course, the racket upstairs certainly wasn't helping him.

What Matthew wanted, more than anything else in the world, was to sit down with a poutine and a Tim Horton's double-double and watch the Canuck's play. Of course, that wasn't exactly possible. Instead, he had to go over the Legal documents from his prime minister and boss, Stephen Harper. Why did he have a boss, anyways? He was a Country, while the little weasel-man was just a prime minister. Shouldn't he be the one who was in charge? But I digress.

It seemed tensions were rising once more in Libya, and his brother Alfred had stupidly decided to send in a crapton of US soldiers. Matthew liked Obama, he really did, but god did he feel bad for him. Alfred was bad enough when he remembered the Canadian. Alfred never forgot Obama, so the president had to deal with a lot more than Matthew did. He honestly had no idea how Obama dealt with the power nation. Anyway, because of the American nation's stupidity, it looked like a war would soon break out in Libya. So, of course, Stephen Harper wanted Canada to go in, see if he could settle everyone down. Matthew knew the chances of that happening.

Which meant he would be gone for a few days, at least. The problem was, he had thirteen rambunctious Provinces and Territories to take care of, and he wouldn't dare leave them all alone. He'd be stupid to do that. Unfortunately, he knew it would be stupid to leave them with a human, and only a handful of nations actually remembered who he was. Japan, Netherlands, Russia, France. China was starting to pay attention, every no and then America and England remembered him. Sometimes Cuba knew him too, but very rarely. China, America, England and Cuba were obvious no's; if they couldn't remember the country, how would they be able to remember his provinces or territories? He didn't think Japan and Netherlands would have been able to handle them either, so they were out, and France was a little too grabby for his likings, so that was a no, which only left him with one choice. Russia.

He had no doubts that Russia could handle them, but was it really a good idea to leave twelve teens and one toddler with Russia, of all countries? Especially when Matthew's territories were followed around by General Winter. Then again, maybe they would learn some discipline if Russia was around more often, and what choice did he have anyways?

So, with a sigh, Matthew called Ivan. He explained his situation to the giant nation and was relieve when Russia agreed to help him. They decided on a time and said goodbye.

"BC, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Québec, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward, New Brunswick, Newfoundland and Labrador, Northwest, and Nunavut!" He shouted, barely having enough air to get all the names out. Honestly, what was he thinking? "Front and center!"

There was a loud thundering as each province and territory ran down the stairs, Northwest carrying Nunavut, before meeting in their massive living room. Whether it was subconscious or intentional, they arranged themselves in physical order from west to east, the three territories standing behind the ten provinces.

On the far left was the representative of British Columbia, informally known as Hiromi Kirkland. Her hair was a silky black and went to the middle of her back when it was loose. Today it was pulled in a sort of half-bun, the underside of her hair left loose while her china doll bangs hung just above her eyes. Her skin had a coppery-gold tone due to the amount of natives in her province, and her eyes were almond shaped and a deep brown, much like Japan's eyes. She wore a deep green Yukata, and a pair of worn out hiking boots, her pet rock Victoria in her arms.

Beside her stood Alberta Williams, with her short, choppy, messy light brown hair and big storm gray eyes. She had a bunch of freckles on her nose and cheeks, as well as a black oil smudge. She wore a brown cowboy hat on her head and torn up, washed out blue jeans. The thread-bare Edmonton oilers jersey barely hid the farmer's tan or freckles on her arms, and on her feet she wore and old pair of leather cowboy boots.

Of course, beside her was Saskatchewan, otherwise known as Sarah Williams. She was a plain child, the girl next door, and an unfortunate topography left a lot left to be desired. You see, while Alberta merely had an oily skin problem and Hiromi had sensitive skin, Sarah had eczema, and while her two Western sisters were blessed with an ample bosom thanks to the Rocky mountains, Sarah's plains were as flat as her chest, and it was said that if your dog ran away in Saskatchewan, you could see him run away for days. Still, she had some good physical attributes, and even though her hair was incredibly curly and untamable, it was as pale as the wheat she grew and her eyes, covered in wire frame glasses, were as blue as the sky. Like Alberta, she had a ton of freckles and a tan, although her curly frizz was in a messy bun and her glasses were way too wide for her face. She was wearing a play grey-knit sweater, a black pencil skirt and black cotton tights with dark brown loafers.

Beside her was Toby Williams, representative of Manitoba. Toby looked like a miniature version of his father, which wasn't surprising, as Matthew unconsciously channeled the forgotten province on a day to day basis. He had wavy dirty blonde hair that was in a desperate need of a trim and shy golden eyes - as opposed to Matthew's violet - with a pair of square framed glasses that always slipped down his nose. He wore a light gray tee-shirt that was one size too big for him and a pair of plain blue jeans, and stood closer to Sarah as he clutched his Grolar bear named Winnie closer to his chest.

And then there was Tara Kirkland, officially known as Ontario. She was one of the tallest provinces, second only to her twin sister, the representative of Québec, and had golden wavy hair down past her shoulders paired with beautiful ocean blue eyes. She bore a resemblance to her grandfather England with her bushier-than-normal eyebrows which she religiously plucked each and every morning. Due to her familiarity with the states of Michigan, New York, New Jersey and California, she had a habit of dressing provocatively, and today was no different, with her blue halter top that revealed her midriff, her impossibly short short shorts and her terrible brown Ugg boots.

Then there was MadéleineBonnefoy, her twin sister and polar opposite, at least, personality wise. Like Tara, she had wavy golden hair, although hers almost went to her hips. She had deep green eyes, naturally slim eyebrows, and was a couple inches taller than Tara. She wore a pale pink dress with white lace and frills, white knee socks with white lace and a pink bow at the top, black Mary Janes and a matching pink bow in her hair, pulling her bangs away from her face.

Then there were the Maritime Provinces. First was Nova Scotia, or Scott Novus was he went by. He was the first of all his children to choose his own last name. He was the twin of New Brunswick and, even though they looked nothing alike, everyone seemed to mistake Scott for Nora, which he hated as he was jealous of her. To stand out, he had a habit of wearing the traditional Scotsman outfit, kilt and all, and with his short red hair, green eyes and freckles, he had a habit of standing out.

Beside him was his little brother Edward Williams from Prince Edward Island, but by little, I mean in height. If Madéleine was the tallest province, Edward was definitely the shortest, giving him a major napoleon complex. He looked a lot like Scott, with his bright red hair and freckles, only his eyes were gray. He wore a deep red tee-shirt and dark jeans, and his runners were caked with red mud. On his right side stood Nora Brunland, officially known as New Brunswick, and the only truly bilingual province in Canada. It really came in handy, as Madéleine hated speaking English and often avoided it, so Nora often had to play mediator and translate. Her hair was shoulder length and a caramel brown, her eyes hazel. Add freckles to a round face and button nose and she was absolutely adorable. She wore a light green blouse, dark skinny jeans and a pair of black converse, a green bow barrette holding her bangs away from her face.

Next was Newfoundland and Labrador, otherwise known as Newfie and Liam Novus. They were identical twins and never left eachother's side, so they may as well have been conjoined. Both had short red hair, although Liam's had more of a brown tin, freckles and chocolate eyes. Newfiehad teeth problems, due to his terrible habit of clenching his teeth when he spoke, and both he and Liam wore an identical blue tee-shirts, dark jeans, and gum boots. At their feet stood their golden Labrador named Laddie.

And then, of course, were the territories. While red hair seemed common among the Maritimes and freckles seemed common among the Provinces in general, white-blond hair, light eyes and scarves were common among the Territories. They stood behind their siblings and seemed very out of place. Behind Hiromi stood Sergei Matveyevich Yukonov, also known as the Yukon Territory. He took on many traits of his adopted cousin and best friend, Aleksandra Ivanovna Braginskya-Jones, usually shortened to Aleksa Ivanovna or Aleksa itself but officially known as Alaska and had been adopted from Russia by America. Sergei even looked like Russia, despite being unrelated to him. His hair was shoulder length and snow white hair, his eyes the same creepy violet as Russia's. He was very standoffish and, despite being the smallest Territory, was the tallest one. He wore a long white coat with a black scarf with white horses stitched into it, reminiscent of his capital city, Whitehorse. Beside him stood his brother Westley Williams, who was a little shorter than Sergei by a few inches. He'd been always been a little sickly, but he was a lot weaker now since his little sister had been born. Other than that, he didn't look much different from Sergei. While Sergei's hair seemed to lack pigmentation, West's hair had a golden tone to it, and instead of violet eyes, he had ice blue. He wore a black coat in the same style as Sergei's and around his neck he wore a yellow scarf.

And then there was Nina Williams, the youngest of this dysfunctional family and the representative of the baby Territory, Nunavut. Nunavut had only been a Territory for thirteen years, since 1999, and so Nina had the appearance of a five year old, if that. She stood there quietly, her thumb in her mouth while clutching her navy blue blanket to her chest. She was bundled up in furs from Westley, her silver and blue scarf snug against her neck. Despite this, you could clearly see the white hair that matched Sergei's, reaching to her shoulders, and her mismatched eyes, one violet and one silver. She was the shortest of the Territories due to her young age, but despite this, she was fairly tall for her age.

Matthew sighed, running his fingers through his hair irritably. He really didn't want to do this, but what choice did he have, really? He looked over each and every one of his children once more before noticing something peculiar.

Out of all of his Provinces, there were two whom he could rely on to keep a level head, the first being Nora, representative of New Brunswick. She was notoriously calm and easy-going, nearly impossible to anger, and with her bilingualism, it made her the perfect mediator for Ontario and Québec and their ongoing arguments. Honestly, they reminded him of England and France, which was no surprise, really. Then, of course, there was his British Columbian daughter, Hiromi. Hiromi had picked up a lot of Japan's traits, including his level headedness, so it was incredibly surprising for Matthew to see clear signs of distressed agitation on the Province's face.

"Hiromi-chan, daijōbu?" Matthew asked in concern.

"Īe, Otōsan." She grumbled, shooting a glare at her Albertan sister.

Matthew was curious. It was difficult to anger Hiromi. Actually, it was hard to get any sort of emotion out of her. Usually when she got upset it had to do with her Canucks, or if someone had threatened her family or nature, but the last time she'd actually gotten pissed off, Matthew and Alfred had been arguing over their borders on the West side, both of them wanting her for themselves. In the end, they decided to split the then-called Oregon Territory on the 49th parallel, making their land what it was today. To have her at this level of upset was fairly strange. "What's wrong, then?"

"Alberta keeps trying to put a pipe in BC so she can ship her oil. I don't her to dig up my land and make my beautiful province look ugly like hers. Just because she wants to dig the crap out of her land doesn't mean the rest of us have to, right? I'm not money greedy like her. I don't want my nature-based land to rely solely on oil like she does. What happens when the run out?"

Alberta snorted, "whatever BCtality, a little mud won't hurt you."

"But a pipe will!"

Sarah scowled, "Alberta, watch your language. Just because she loves animals doesn't mean she _loves animals_."

Madéleine giggled, "_ohhonhon.."_

Alberta snarled, "shut up, Sasquatch, nobody asked you!"

Tara grinned, "Isn't BC the one with Sasquatch? She does have a law against killing them."

Hiromi blushed, "They are an endangered species, I don't want them to go extinct."

"Your BRAIN is an endangered species. Oh wait, it's already extinct."

"Shut up you good-for-nothing cowgirl!"

"At least I'm not a cow _lover!"_

_"Ohhonhon..."_

Matthew grumbled. He didn't have much time, and this is what they were talking about? He could feel himself begin to channel his Ontarian Province, and in turn, channel a diluted form of America. He needed large lungs. "ENOUGH!" He snapped, causing all of his provinces and territories to freeze. "Listen to me! As you may known, a war is about to break out in Libya, and my boss has told me over there so I can put a stop to it. This means I may be gone for a weak or two. Because I cannot trust you all to be responsible alone, I have invited someone to take care of you during this time. I can't have you acting like this while he is here!"

Madéleine grinned, "It is Francis, non? Ooh, I am so happy! I will get to taste his cooking again!"

Tara whined, "Daddyyyyyy! Don't do it! Bad enough we have one frog, we don't need two."

Matthew scowled at his daughter, "Tara Marie Kirkland, watch your tongue. You yourself are part French, though you choose to your ignore Creole part, up north. Not only that but I am also half French." He shook his head, "but no, Papa France isn't coming."

Sarah looked concerned, "It isn't England, is it? My stomach still hurts from the last time, and I don't think it would be beneficial for our health."

Hiromi perked up, "Is it Japan-sama? I would enjoy his visits."

Nora tilted her head, "It isn't Netherlands, is it?"

Alberta whined, "Please don't be America! He's an idiot!"

"I don't like Cuba. He scares me." Toby murmured.

Matthew sighed and began channeling Tara again, "QUIET! If you will be silent, I will tell you who it is." He said, waiting for them to settle down, "Now... the person who will be watching you thirteen is-"

"Comrade Russia, da?" Sergei spoke, interrupting his father without a second thought.

Matthew raised an eyebrow, "Yes, actually. How did you know that?"

Sergei shrugged, "Comrade Cuba, Comrade America and Comrade England do not remember us often. Comrade Cuba hurts you, Comrade America is a bad parent, and Comrade England cannot cook. Comrades Japan and Netherlands are too soft to handle us, and Comrade France is too touchy... so the only other choice is Comrade Russia."

Matthew blinked, "yes... well... you have to listen to me. You all can't argue and fight the way you do with me around. Russia is scary, and the only person I've ever seen stand up to him and live is Alfred. During the Cold War, I was convinced he was going to die. You have to behave, and treat him with respect."

Alberta frowned, "You stand up to him, dad. When you play hockey with him, you stand up for yourself."

"I do?"

Madéliene nodded, "Oui, Papa. You seem to channel Sergei when you play against Monsieur Russie."

Matthew wasn't sure how it worked in other countries, but he seemed to have a strange relationship with his children. His true personality was a true blend of each and every province and territory, but when he wanted to draw on certain aspects of his personality, he would channel a specific province and then draw upon that aspect. For example, if he wanted to be loud and obnoxious like his brother, he would draw upon Ontario, or if he wanted to be flirtatious, he would draw upon Quebec. If he wanted to be tough and forceful, he would draw on Sergei. More often than not, he drew on Manitoba and his shyness and forgetability would take over.

"Comrade Canada? You are here, da?"

Matthew stopped whatever he was about to do and groaned softly. Already? He thought it would take longer to get from Russia to Canada, since he had no nationological ties. Then again, he did have nationological ties to Alaska, as that had once been his territory. Matthew supposed it would've been child's play to Transfer himself from Russia to Alaska, then do a Transfered Run through the Yukon, Transfer to Ottawa, and find his house. Quickly, Matthew rushed to the door, careful not to keep the intimidating Russian waiting for too long.

"Привет, Matvey." Ivan aid with a slightly disturbing smile.

"Привет, V-Vanya." Matthew replied, stumbling over the unfamiliar nickname. He watched as Ivan's creepy smile transformed into a sweet, if a bit small, genuine smile.

"Вам хорошо, да?" He continued, causing Ivan's smile to grow more.

"Da, I am well," he giggled, "your Russian is nice." Ivan commented.

Matthew grinned, "uhm... thank you. Can't remember how to say that." He said lamely. He reached to take the Russian by the arm and, thinking better of it, offered him an encouraging smile intead. "Come, Vanya, I want you to meet my children." Matthew paused, "Is it alright to call you Vanya? Or would you prefer Ivan?"

Ivan smiled, "Da, Vanya is fine. Show me your kids."

Matthew led Ivan into the living room and stood in front of his line up, plucking his maple-leaf sweater nervously. Idly, he wondered where Kumajiro had wandered off to. Kumalaki never really like the Russian. Actually, he liked him okay, but he didn't feel comfortable around him.

Ivan took one look at them, shivering at the sight of General Winter behind the three territories, and turned to Matthew curiously.

"Why do they look like that?" He asked. Tara looked affronted and opened her mouth to say something, but closed it when Matthew quickly motioned for her to be silent.

"Well, like how we are like the personofication of our country's stereotype, they are their province's or territory's stereotype." He explained, "the woman over to the left is the representation of British Columbia, but informally she's informally she's called Hiromi Kirkland. She takes after Japan-san, since Japan and BC are next door neighbours if you subtract the ocean between them. She's also got the largest concentration of native Canadian's that I'm aware of, and it really shows."

Ivan glanced at Hiromi and frowned at the rock in her hands, "Why do you have rock?"

Hiromi smiled shyly, "this is my rock, Russia-san. Her name is Victoria."

Ivan turned to Matthew for an explanation.

"One of BC's more known Island's called Vancouver Island where her capital city Victoria sits. Many of the citizens of the Island either call it the Island or the Rock." He explained, "beside Hiromi is Alberta Williams, representative of, well, Alberta. Her main stereotype is that of being a cowgirl and she's often getting dirty because she's got a major oil sand on her land.  
"Beside her is Saskatchewan, although people call her Sarah Williams. Don't worry about trying to pronounce it, most of us can't spelling it anyways. Her main stereotype is being plain, so... she's kinda plain, but she's got nice hair and eyes underneath the curls and glasses. Beside her is Tobias Williams, although we all just call him Toby, he's -"

Ivan giggled and scooped up the small man in his arms, despite his whimpered protests. "Is mini Matvey. I take him home, da?"

"Nyet! Toby is my son, you can't have him, Ivan."

"Aww, but he is cute. I want him, Comrade." He said, looming over the small Canadian, Toby still in his arms. Matthew could feel his will start to crumple under the violet glare of his aura, unconsciously drawing on more of Toby's timidness. He shot a glance to Sergei's impassive face and felt his confidence return, drawing on as much of Sergei's forcefulness as he could. Matthew reached out and took Toby from Ivan's arms, giving a stern glare and a red aura, as opposed to violet, of his own.

"I said no, Russia. My children will remain my children. You will not take my land."

Ivan was taken aback by Matthews assertiveness. A good portion of him wanted to beat him with his pipe, but he also respected him and even felt proud of him for it. With effort, he forced away his violent urges and nodded, "Alright, I will listen to Comrade."

Matthew was shocked, to say the least. He had honestly thought he was a goner. And yet, there he was, flesh and all. He set Toby down, sending him back to his place in line, before turning to Ivan, once more channelling Nora a little to play diplomat, "like I was saying, Toby is a lot like me. Not much is known about him, and he is often forgotten. He carries a pet polar bear-grizzly bear cub named Winnie named after the bear that gave his capital city it's name and also inspired the book and movie series, Winnie the Pooh. Beside him is Ontario, also known as Tara Kirkland, the oldest of the provinces here."

"Mini America." Ivan grimaced.

"Yeah, she get's a lot of influence from her cousins and Uncle down in the states. She's twins with Québec, also known as Madéleine Bonnefoy, although they act like they hate each other."

"Just like Comrade England and Comrade France." Ivan giggled.

Matthew grinned, "Oui, exactly like that. Madéleine is the younger twin and... yeah. Okay, maritimes next. First is Scott Novus, and you'll probably notice that a majority of the provinces have red hair. That's because most of the maritimes have Scottish and Irish routes. Anyways, he's the personifcation of Nova Scotia, which means new Scotland. For some reason, people always mistake him for his twin sister, so he often dresses in the stereotypical Scottish way. Beside him is Edward from Prince Edward Island. He's the shortest as he has the smallest landmass, and due to his red hair, sand and potatos, well... he's often associated and therefore obsessed with red. He's a lot like Scott in appearance, but he's got grey eyes, just like Anne from Anne of Green Gables, as opposed to green.  
Beside him is Nora Brunland, Scott's twin ssiter from New Brunswicl . She's kind of the mediator, the peace-keeper, the diplomat, so she's got a very neutral appearance, with light brown hair and hazel eyes. Then there's the twins, Newfoundland and Labrador, also known as Newfie and Liam."

Ivan looked at the twins, "which is which?"

Matthew chuckled, "Well, first off, Liam has darker red hair, but when everyone's being normal, Liam's the silent one and Newfie's the chatty one."

"Is he mute?" Ivan asked.

Matthew shrugged, "we don't know. He's always with Newfie so he never has the opportunity to speak. Anyways, that's itfor the provinces. I've noticed that the biggest province is usually the tallest, but the opposite seems true for the Territories. The first one on the left is Yukon territory, or Sergei Matveyevich Yukonov."

Ivan grinned, "He is Russian?"

Matthew smiled, "no, but he has a lot of Alaskan and Russian influence. Actually, he reminds me a lot of you, including the violet eyes. The only physical difference is that his hair is longer and he wars a black scarf with white horses to symbolize his capital, White Horse. Beside him is Westley Williams. He's got more of a golden hair tone, and he's a little more natural looking, though I'm not sure why. His scarf is yellow for his capital, Yellowknife, North West Territories. Finally we have Nina Williams, our youngest territory. She takes after Sergei physically, with her white hair, although one eyes is violet and one is silver, but she's kind of like West in her personality, but also her own personality. She wears a white scarf with navy blue on it for her Islands, carries a navy blue blanket for her surrounding ocean, and has a pet seal pup named Blubby.

Ivan looked at them all and felt his heart stutter a little at tiny Nina, so closely followed by General Winter. "Is that it?"

"Yes. I've told them to be on their best behaviour, but I can't promise anything. I might be gone or a week, but it could be a longer." Matthew said, giving his children a hug, before turning to face Ivan once more, "if I am longer, I'll try to send a message."

Ivan nodded, "Good luck, Comrade Matvey. You won't need it, but have it anyway." Ivan said, surprising Matthew by giving him a hug goodbye.

"Uhm... thank you, Vanya. Though I hope you won't need it either, good luck to you, too." He said, hugging the Russian back. He gave them all a nod and, drawing the power of his nation around him, he tapped into his French ancestory and transfered himself into the outskirts of France.

There was a brief moment of silence before Nora spoke up, "come on, Misterr Russia, let me show you where you can stay, okay?"

Ivan frowned, "I am Russia. I stay where I want."

Nora's smile faltered, "I only meant that... well, Father set up a place for you to stay."

Ivan nodded, following Nora up the stairs. She continued down the hall, but he stopped, spotting Matthew's room and going inside. "Uhm... No, Mister Russia, that's dad's room. Your room is down here..." Ivan glared at her, his aura turning purple, "Or.. not. You can stay here. Dad won't mind. Really!"

Ivan nodded, laying on his bed and putting his duffel bag aside, pulling out a bottle of vodka. Yes, he could get used to this.

**A/N: Well, first chapter of DPOYRN... just realized the acronym could look very dirty if there were no Y... oh my. Anyways, don't expect quick updates, because... it's hard to do big chapters for this story xD Anyways, I hope you liked itttt~ Review!**


	2. Author's Note Please Read!

**Hey, guys, so I realize that it's been a long time since I updated this. I apologize, I've been busy with school crap and moving and all those joys, and I fell out of this fandom and into one of my others, then started writing an original story and... blah, excuses excuses. Anyways, I've just started getting back into this all over again, and have finally begun writing the second chapter of this. I'm out on school break so hopefully, hopefully, I'll be able to update a little more frequently. Also, I realize the Libya threat has been dealt with, so I'll have to deal with Libya quickly then move on to maybe another country outbreak, probably North Korea, since that's the most current war threat. Anyways, just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten this at all, and I'm excited to continue it.**


End file.
